I guess it was the end of April since I last posted. Something like that. Well since then I've finished classes for the semester, and while I should be stress free, I am even more stressed. FML.
I believe I mentioned in my last entry that I saw my PCP and she wanted me to have an endoscopy/colonoscopy soon but I didn't go into details why: because at least for the endoscopy order, I still have troubles swallowing and my heartburn is bad (I also just need to have my yearly cancer check), but as for the colonoscopy order, she thought perhaps I grew colon polyps, which is why I am so anemic. She wanted me to get it done ASAP, but with final papers/exams, plus the hub leaving for most of June PLUS my surgeon not being free til July, I booked my appointment in July.
Well on Monday I had a fellow up with my PCP and she wasn't really happy with me waiting til July. She worked some magic and I had my procedure done today-- with my gastroenterologist- I'm still mad at him for keeping the retroperitoneal thing from me but I can't yell at him before he scopes me! Plus he did my doctor a favor and booked me immediately, so whatever. He's also getting older. He had DARK hair when I first met him, and well, it's not dark anymore...he's not off the hook yet though.
Now first I have to say that endoscopies are not bad. Neither are dilations (though I wasn't dilated today). Colonoscopies SUCK. Mainly because of the prep.
Yesterday's prep was awful. I've done this SAME prep before and I was fine. I drank it fast, nothing happened to me other than what should happen to me when doing the prep. Well, as you know, a lot has changed with my body since then, and knowing how acidic it is, and how bubbly and thick it is, I knew it would be bad for my esophagus. And well, it was. I barfed up a lot of what I drank yesterday. So much so that at FIRST I could just taste the drink as I barfed, but then I was just barfing up stomach acid after a while (I mean noting else was in my system, I had been on a clear liquid diet all day). It. sucked. Thankfully I got enough down for it to do its job for the night, so the nurse I talked to about this vomiting wasn't worried since it was 'working'. I was also told for the morning for part two of this prep, i didn't have to drink the entire dose and I didn't. I drank 11 of the 15 oz (I drank 15 of 15 last night but barfed up between 3 and 5 of that) All last night I went into nausea convulsions just THINKING about drinking more of this stuff. It's not that the taste is THAT BAD. It's that I can't deal with the thick acidic carbonation anymore. I can't physically deal with it! So I got through this morning's shit, did my shit (ha) and all went fine. They must have really pumped me on these sedatives because I didn't wake up ONCE. I almost always wake up even for a few seconds- not this time. Sort of like last time, I don't have any memories of getting changed or leaving the facility. But yeah. My throat isn't even sore from the endoscopy - i'm impressed. The numbing spray, however, sucked. The nurse put more down my throat than usual, and I was struggling with breathing and my involuntary swallowing. This is probably why I slept so well. I really think she pumped the stuff in me! So yeah I'm surprised I didn't wake up with a sore throat. Anyway.
We stopped by a restaurant (a two minute or so walk from where I had my procedure done) so I could get a bite to eat- french onion soup and an order of fries. I don't remember walking to the restaurant but I vaguely remember getting there, and I DO remember being seated and ordering and getting mad at John for eating ALL the bread. But I couldn't really eat my meal and I was miserable. We called a taxi because I didn't feel like walking to the bus or being on a bouncy bus, so the taxi place told us 20 minutes, 25 minutes later the hub called, they had no record of our call, luckily as the hub was about to blow up at them for not having record of our call, I saw an empty cab drive by, and I hailed it (woo I can still hail a taxi while I'm in a cloudy state!) and got home. I was about the punch the radio operator through the fucking speaker because it kept saying something like 'harvard ave at comm ave' over and over and over I guess trying to get a driver to take that call, but holy god, the operator kept saying it over and over and over and over and over and over. Once we got in, I slept for 3 hours. Tried to eat dinner once I woke up (around 9:30), and couldn't. My stomach was (and is) too filled with air.
Misery.
Anyway, the photos above are of my esophagus. They provided this with my discharge report! I wish they did this of my cancer!! Oh well. Notice how it looks like shit. I have esophagitis. I have no fucking idea what that means. I do bet that the shit I had to drink yesterday didn't help. But I guess it explains why I still can't swallow well and I guess htat explains that EVEN WITH TAKING FOUR OMERPRAZOLE A DAY I STILL CAN'T GET TO SLEEP WITH ALL THE REFLUX. See, I'm exhausted and can't sleep because I just can't fucking deal with the reflux rushing up my esophagus. no wonder why I wasn't dilated today. I guess they took biopsies around the inflammation and of my scar tissue to make sure it's just esophagitis and that's it. I'm not anticipating it being anything else, but the fucking fact I can't have a god damn mother fucking normal body just drives me nuts.
Working from home tomorrow so I can wallow. And get this air out of my system HERE and not THERE. This is the only thing funny about the entire situation- the amount of times I know I am going to fart tomorrow. Otherwise. F. M.L.
To top it off, look at the treatments:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/esophagitis/DS01154/DSECTION=treatments-and-drugs
1) Antacids aren't working and as it says there, it won't do much for me
2) the surgery it talks about is pretty much already what I had done- will I have to get it done AGAIN? My surgeon mentioned this as a worst case scenario back in October.
All I want to do is cry.
1-2 weeks before I get doctor's orders for dealing with this (plus for him to make sure it's not cancer again),
I believe I mentioned in my last entry that I saw my PCP and she wanted me to have an endoscopy/colonoscopy soon but I didn't go into details why: because at least for the endoscopy order, I still have troubles swallowing and my heartburn is bad (I also just need to have my yearly cancer check), but as for the colonoscopy order, she thought perhaps I grew colon polyps, which is why I am so anemic. She wanted me to get it done ASAP, but with final papers/exams, plus the hub leaving for most of June PLUS my surgeon not being free til July, I booked my appointment in July.
Well on Monday I had a fellow up with my PCP and she wasn't really happy with me waiting til July. She worked some magic and I had my procedure done today-- with my gastroenterologist- I'm still mad at him for keeping the retroperitoneal thing from me but I can't yell at him before he scopes me! Plus he did my doctor a favor and booked me immediately, so whatever. He's also getting older. He had DARK hair when I first met him, and well, it's not dark anymore...he's not off the hook yet though.
Now first I have to say that endoscopies are not bad. Neither are dilations (though I wasn't dilated today). Colonoscopies SUCK. Mainly because of the prep.
Yesterday's prep was awful. I've done this SAME prep before and I was fine. I drank it fast, nothing happened to me other than what should happen to me when doing the prep. Well, as you know, a lot has changed with my body since then, and knowing how acidic it is, and how bubbly and thick it is, I knew it would be bad for my esophagus. And well, it was. I barfed up a lot of what I drank yesterday. So much so that at FIRST I could just taste the drink as I barfed, but then I was just barfing up stomach acid after a while (I mean noting else was in my system, I had been on a clear liquid diet all day). It. sucked. Thankfully I got enough down for it to do its job for the night, so the nurse I talked to about this vomiting wasn't worried since it was 'working'. I was also told for the morning for part two of this prep, i didn't have to drink the entire dose and I didn't. I drank 11 of the 15 oz (I drank 15 of 15 last night but barfed up between 3 and 5 of that) All last night I went into nausea convulsions just THINKING about drinking more of this stuff. It's not that the taste is THAT BAD. It's that I can't deal with the thick acidic carbonation anymore. I can't physically deal with it! So I got through this morning's shit, did my shit (ha) and all went fine. They must have really pumped me on these sedatives because I didn't wake up ONCE. I almost always wake up even for a few seconds- not this time. Sort of like last time, I don't have any memories of getting changed or leaving the facility. But yeah. My throat isn't even sore from the endoscopy - i'm impressed. The numbing spray, however, sucked. The nurse put more down my throat than usual, and I was struggling with breathing and my involuntary swallowing. This is probably why I slept so well. I really think she pumped the stuff in me! So yeah I'm surprised I didn't wake up with a sore throat. Anyway.
We stopped by a restaurant (a two minute or so walk from where I had my procedure done) so I could get a bite to eat- french onion soup and an order of fries. I don't remember walking to the restaurant but I vaguely remember getting there, and I DO remember being seated and ordering and getting mad at John for eating ALL the bread. But I couldn't really eat my meal and I was miserable. We called a taxi because I didn't feel like walking to the bus or being on a bouncy bus, so the taxi place told us 20 minutes, 25 minutes later the hub called, they had no record of our call, luckily as the hub was about to blow up at them for not having record of our call, I saw an empty cab drive by, and I hailed it (woo I can still hail a taxi while I'm in a cloudy state!) and got home. I was about the punch the radio operator through the fucking speaker because it kept saying something like 'harvard ave at comm ave' over and over and over I guess trying to get a driver to take that call, but holy god, the operator kept saying it over and over and over and over and over and over. Once we got in, I slept for 3 hours. Tried to eat dinner once I woke up (around 9:30), and couldn't. My stomach was (and is) too filled with air.
Misery.
Working from home tomorrow so I can wallow. And get this air out of my system HERE and not THERE. This is the only thing funny about the entire situation- the amount of times I know I am going to fart tomorrow. Otherwise. F. M.L.
To top it off, look at the treatments:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/esophagitis/DS01154/DSECTION=treatments-and-drugs
1) Antacids aren't working and as it says there, it won't do much for me
2) the surgery it talks about is pretty much already what I had done- will I have to get it done AGAIN? My surgeon mentioned this as a worst case scenario back in October.
All I want to do is cry.
1-2 weeks before I get doctor's orders for dealing with this (plus for him to make sure it's not cancer again),
Wow. I don't know what to say to any of that. I'm just really really sorry you're going through it. I wish there was something I could tell you to keep your spirits up, but most stuff I think of just sounds like a trite cliche. You'd think that, being a writer (supposedly, anyway) I'd be better at this stuff! Anyway, just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and I always have my fingers crossed for you! I hope things get better soon!!!!
ReplyDelete:( I don't know what to say that the girl above me didn't say already. Thinking about you!
ReplyDelete