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Showing posts from February, 2019

Official Eviction Notice/ An Ode to My Stomach

JENNIFER THE SOVEREIGN , LLC February 24, 2019 RE: EVICTION NOTICE Stomach, It is recognized that you have been a 35 year tenant for PROPERTY OWNER. Your presence allowed PROPERTY OWNER to grow (albeit not that much, but GENETICS is more at fault), enjoy the sensation of full belly after eating delicious meals, and being an active member of the DIGESTIVE CO-OP. However, you have since become HOSTILE and UNCOOPERATIVE. PROPERTY OWNER has listed the following grievances: Grievance: WHEREAS in 2009 you invited Cancer to sublet on your top apartment near the GE Junction Attic causing LOSS OF PROPERTY/IRREPARABLE DAMAGE/ in surrounding area WHEREAS since 2009 your egregious party antics has wrecked havoc on your upper neighbor ESPHOAGUS causing IRREPARABLE DAMAGE to property which can cause FUTURE HARM to OWNER OF PROPERTY (and HOSTILE LIVING ENVIRONMENT) WHERAS since 2009 the consequences of your antics has caused problems to other neighbors such as LIVER, LUNGS, TE