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Official Eviction Notice/ An Ode to My Stomach

JENNIFER THE SOVEREIGN , LLC


February 24, 2019


RE: EVICTION NOTICE


Stomach,




It is recognized that you have been a 35 year tenant for PROPERTY OWNER. Your presence allowed PROPERTY OWNER to grow (albeit not that much, but GENETICS is more at fault), enjoy the sensation of full belly after eating delicious meals, and being an active member of the DIGESTIVE CO-OP. However, you have since become HOSTILE and UNCOOPERATIVE.


PROPERTY OWNER has listed the following grievances:


Grievance:
WHEREAS in 2009 you invited Cancer to sublet on your top apartment near the GE Junction Attic causing LOSS OF PROPERTY/IRREPARABLE DAMAGE/ in surrounding area
WHEREAS since 2009 your egregious party antics has wrecked havoc on your upper neighbor ESPHOAGUS causing IRREPARABLE DAMAGE to property which can cause FUTURE HARM to OWNER OF PROPERTY (and HOSTILE LIVING ENVIRONMENT)
WHERAS since 2009 the consequences of your antics has caused problems to other neighbors such as LIVER, LUNGS, TEETH causing a HOSTILE LIVING ENVIRONMENT
WHEREAS in 2014, you showed an utter inhospitality to a grumpy growing UTERUS incubating a precious BABY of PROPERTY OWNER despite so many efforts to keep you comfortable
WHERAS since 2009 your inability to allow landlord to live a normal life ie sleep well, have normal colds that don't involve aspiration, causing burns to the esophagus, not allowing property manager to gain weight due to party antics)


It is with great disappointment that you are hereby evicted, effective 25. February 2019.


You will be forcefully removed from property and moved to MEDICAL WASTE.


Thanks for the good memories prior to 2009.
Your former self will be missed. Your new self WILL NOT.
Esophagus, Lungs and Liver will especially thank you for leaving the premises




Most sincerely,
Jennifer
PROPERTY OWNER






ODE TO MY STOMACH


So gracious an organ you are supposed to be
Teleporting food from mouth to guts
Offering nutrients, rich and vital
Many ounces of food are broken down to make the body grow!
Ah! The wondrous organ that makes life worth living
'Cept when you invite cancer in and spray your acid to and fo
Here's to years of digesting the most delicious foods.




----back to reality---
The last few days have been busy....making final leave plans for work....eating all the foods I could....hanging out with my friends....and roughhousing my son for the last time in a long time. I am scared, I am worried, I am anxious, but I have no regrets. I have made my peace with this decision long ago. It's time. And I'll be better for it! I have the best support group.


But now I have to take my medically induced shower and slather myself with pre surgical wipes. Yum.


You will be updated mostly via Facebook-- some via Text.
My sister and husband will take over my phone, so just message me there if you want.
Hopefully wireless in the hospital is good so I can use my phone.  Otherwise, I'll just catch up with everyone once home.


Surgery should take 6 hours max. I should be in the hospital 7 days max. Fingers crossed no surprises!


Take care, my precious readers :)

Comments

  1. ChristinaFebruary 25, 2019 at 8:48 AM

    This was hilarious! Only you could write something like this;) Good luck, and I am praying for you!! You are awesome!

    ReplyDelete

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