The Words Beneath My Fingertips

*Note* title used to be Oxycotin Dreams- I was given Oxycodone, not Oxycotin... * As I've statused about, my NF has given me nerve tumors, one of which is in my lower left retroperitoneum, and I supposedly have other growths on my right side (though I have a major breakthrough story about this which I will write about later, so stay tuned), the pain of these tumors are really really really unbelievably painful, and I've been prescribed nerve pain meds more suitable for seizures, but they are supposed to keep all kinds of nerve pains at bay. I was first given Gabapentin, but that ballooned me within a month- 5 pounds in like 35 days- crazy- and it didn't help my pain much. So I was given Topamax (lots and lots and lots happened in between, which is something I will talk about later), and the Tmax is supposed to combat the weight gain and keep me capped at whatever I've gained- who knows. We'll see. Anyway, the pain that i've dealt with in the last quarter o...

pain. Well, actually it's been the word of the past like 14 days. Or more. And I'm tired of being it. And I hate it. And it doesn't seem to want to go away. And it has fucked with my well-being. And my attitude. And my psyche. Shabu Shabu won't even make me feel better. Not even Chick Fil A. I've been in a pretty bad mood most of today. Poor John. I told him. "I'm sorry I'm being such a stupid wench" and he said, "No, you're being a reaonably intelligent wench." Yes, I have a good husband. Except he has promised to let me introduce him to froyo, and he keeps breaking it! OMG Red Velvet FoYo could quite possibly help me feel better.  Went to the physical therapist today. I'm of course very weak in my left leg. Right leg isn't much better, but oh well. I have some exercises to do. I have to do lab work tomorrow and then I see my PCP next Friday. That' s all I feel like writing about.

Something happened tonight and I want to know if you think I did the right thing/if you would do the same thing. Situation: The hubs and I leave a party with friends and we get to Stonybrook station to go home. Drunk girl comes in as we do. She's really really really really drunk. Getting more delirious by the moment. She asks us "How do I get to Park Street?" I point to the map and tell her and I tell her to make sure she goes to the INBOUND side. Of course she can barely understand me. Then she shows me how she practically broke her hand punching a girl in the face at a bar but she was "defending" herself she insists (she bumped into a person acidentally, the person got all in her face, and then she punched this person) She walks far down the platform (the hubs and I watch her closely because there have been several drunk people that have fallen into the train pit) and ends up on a bench where some other guy is waiting for the train. They are stran...

So I finally met my pain management team today. The "team" consists of a pain psychologist and a pain physiologist. The appointment was set up a few months ago and it was great to finally see them today. Pain psychologist is really nice but WAY too touchy feely for me- don't know how to explain it but maybe it's just jarring to have a doctor other than my primary care doctor to actually react to the pain I've been describing. I've felt like I've been psychotic all these years. i'm finally vindicated. Well, I felt vindicated when I wrote my first entries of this blog. But YEAH. Anyway I need pain management because the pain comes and goes at random times and stays for ranodm amounts of time and the pain is intense... I mean really intense.I've been in a 'spat' for the last few days, so I'm happy I actually saw the pain doctor when I felt the pain- I usually see my doctors before the pain starts or after a bad spat. Never during. so hu...