Skip to main content

I don't know how I survived last night but I did

Holy shit.

The only one way to describe what I went through last night is DISTRESS.

So, I know you know I have nerve tumors, blah blah blah. I keep so much inside of me that I really don't know what I post, what I don't. I know I talk a LOT about my pain in this blog. Such is my life!

I don't know if I've written this or not, but anyway, the thing with nerve pain is that when I am in this pain, I can't imagine what it's like NOT being in pain. But when I'm not in pain, I can't imagine the pain. It's THAT bad.

Anyway, cramps are a different story. Sometimes it's not that terrible. Usually it's pretty bad the first 2 days, and it gets better. Usually I just take a couple of tylenol, have a heating pad and that takes care of it. Sometimes I wake up in a lot of pain and I either writhe and cry for about an hour or so, and go to sleep or I'll do what I just mentioned after taking tylenol, sometimes turning on my heating pad and get to sleep.

Last night. Just holy shit. The pain started in around midnight. I had been out for a work function from about 6 pm and got home a little after 11. But when the pain set in, it was just a regular nagging pain, so I thought i'd deal with it and go to sleep with a heating pad. No that did not work.

By 1 am it got bad. So so so so so bad. Nothing helped. I took tylenol and gapapentin together. That didn't even put me to sleep. A heating pad didn't work. Putting pressure did not work. All the sudden it was 4 am. I think I went to sleep in sheer exhaustion of trying to comfort myself. I woke up a bit after 8. All I have to do is blowdry my hair and get to the bus.

I have experienced a LOT of pain, but not in this extent. And this is the type of pain I can REMEMBER unlike my nerve pain. I went into an anxiety attack in the shower remembering it. Four hours of pain, three of which were uber extreme pain. I know I am being a baby and all of you experience bad bad bad cramps from fucking hell, but in all my years of menstruatinghood, this was by far the worst. Worst ever. And I'm terrified this will start up at work!

D-`: = me right now.

Thank GOd I am going to see a pain management team soon. They can help me deal with my nerve pain and my cramps (often bad but not THIS BAD!)- I will have a pain psychotherapist and a pain managment DOCTOR I definitely need therapy dealing with this pain. I have so many delusions about what people think of me when I talk about pain or what people at work think of me when I can't get to work on time because of my pain. GAHHH!



Comments

  1. TaraJune 23, 2011 at 10:01 AM

    :( I'm really sorry you're going through this and dealing with this much pain...I really don't know what else to say. I hope that seeing the pain management team will help you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On Saying Goodbye: Leaving Boston after 17 Years

Dear Boston and all the people who have been in our lives: Thank you for the (just shy of!) 17 Years! What a beautiful city this is. It was such a privilege to call Boston home. You were worst of times (cancer, other health issues, losing Chaucer and Dante, job losses/ unemployments on both ends) but you were mostly the best of times (meeting the best people, having Oliver, completing advanced degrees, advancing in our careers, growing as people). You quite literally saved my life.. While some memories are quite triggering, they are reminders of strength and perseverance. And I am filled with thanks having been in the right place at the right time . Now here comes a waterfall of photos   Us in our early days here, circa 2008 Our graduations from Boston College in 2012 and 13 respectively  (I was pregnant and didn’t yet know in this pic!) Oliver’s birth in 2014 When i first moved here, I was not city savvy. I was not public transit savvy. And I HATED the cold and snow.  17 years later a
Post a Comment
Read more

Pain Management and How Much I Hate My Gastroenterologist.

So I finally met my pain management team today. The "team" consists of a pain psychologist and a pain physiologist. The appointment was set up a few months ago and it was great to finally see them today. Pain psychologist is really nice but WAY too touchy feely for me- don't know how to explain it but maybe it's just jarring to have a doctor other than my primary care doctor to actually react to the pain I've been describing. I've felt like I've been psychotic all these years. i'm finally vindicated. Well, I felt vindicated when I wrote my first entries of this blog. But YEAH. Anyway I need pain management because the pain comes and goes at random times and stays for ranodm amounts of time and the pain is intense... I mean really intense.I've been in a 'spat' for the last few days, so I'm happy I actually saw the pain doctor when I felt the pain- I usually see my doctors before the pain starts or after a bad spat. Never during. so hu
2 comments
Read more

And my sutured stomach has slipped...

I haven't written an update post in FOREVER. I've just had no time. Between school work, studying for Comps and more school work and applying for jobs...yeah. Now that school work is dwindling, my comps are over (and I passed!), I can write this long overdue blog about my GD esophagus.Not NF related, sure, but I am perpetually recovering from stomach cancer surgery, so yeah. Anyway, I've had problem swallowing since maybe February. Well, ha, I've had problems swallowing since my damn cancer surgery, but it got worse. So did my heartburn. I was worried. So I had an endoscopy in the beginning of March. This photo below is BASICALLY what I had done in 2009- after part of my stomach/esophagus/GE junction were removed, they fundoplicated it back together: It's not exactly like this because in this photo, the IN TACT stomach was wrapped against an IN TACT junction/esophagus. They took what was left of my stomach and wrapped it around what was left of my esophagu
3 comments
Read more